"Jimmy's In The Well!!"

I bought a new cell phone this afternoon. I bought a new cell phone because my previous cell phone went into Flat Creek. My previous cell phone went into Flat Creek while I was struggling to pull myself out of the tangle of vines on the bank of Flat Creek.

There is a huge culvert that carries Flat Creek under the six lanes of Old Hickory Boulevard where it intersects with US 70 South. From the concrete top of the culvert to the actual creek measures about ten feet. And the water is pretty deep there, maybe two feet deep - a lot for Flat Creek.

So, Grace was leading me along, as usual, and she hopped up onto the concrete. I followed, but as I flung my weight forward to propel me to the top of the concrete, a vine caught my right foot. I overbalanced and fell head first on my back down the steep bank. The tangle of vines cushioned my fall, and thankfully, I was not hurt at all. But there I was, upside down on my back, tangled in vines, resting on...what? Dirt? Rock? Just vines? I couldn't tell. My feet and about half of my calves were above ground level, against the concrete top of the culvert - not enough to gain any leverage. Grace could have pulled me out, but she was too busy looking down at me quizzically and whining. And she grabbed some vines and pulled them, to no effect.

I grabbed hold of some vines and tried to pull myself up, with a little help from my feet. I inched upward little by little, but then the vines pulled out of the ground or broke, and I slid back down deeper than I had been. I stopped struggling for a few minutes, resting and thinking. I was seriously tempted to call 911 but I wasn't ready to give up yet. Meanwhile, Grace began barking a high-pitched panicky bark and looking around for someone to help me. I'm sure that if I had let go of the leash she would have gone for help. Unfortunately, she has no clue that vehicles are dangerous, and at that particular intersection, more dangerous than most. I held on, and she barked her "Timmy's in the well!" bark.

At last I decided that all I could do was try to turn over and push myself up to a position where I could grab hold of something - anything!- and claw my way out of there. Of course, if all that was holding me were vines, then into the drink I'd go. But hanging upside down was only marginally better than that. I flailed around, twisting my body until I had an arm in a position to push. I pulled my legs down, pushed up with my left arm and pulled on vines with my right, and miracle of miracles, I was able to stand myself up. I clawed my way up the bank, and had a grateful reunion with Grace. We had been separated for about fifteen minutes! Then I checked my pockets. Everything was still there except my cell phone.

I bought a new cell phone this afternoon.